are you ever just snuggle horny? like u dont want to do anything sexual but you just want to kiss and cuddle with someone that you genuinely like and watch movies and stuff
this is my favorite goofy pun ever, I have told it at least five times
I don’t care, fuck you
as you all know, saint patrick walked barefoot as an act of contrition, which made his feet rugged and blistered. he ate an ascetic’s diet, which made him weak and additionally gave him bad breath.
all of this made him
a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis
oh my god
So I walked into the dentist this morning. My dentist asked me how my weekend was. I said “Good, I watched Captain America last night. I really liked it.” And my dentist says “Oh, my son is in that movie.” At first I thought he was joking but then I realized
Dr. Robert Evans
I looked it up
My dentist is Captain America’s dad
My doctor is JK Rowling’s husband.
JK Rowling’s husband has asked me if I am sexually active.
IT GOT BETTER
you know what you could have instead of children?
- a nice house
- a nice car
- really nice shoes
- open weekends
- vacations that aren’t “child-friendly”
- nice things in general
- basically whatever you want because children are expensive and material things don’t grow up to resent you